There are Benefits to Losing — Truly
Winning isn’t everything. We say it all the time. But, do we really believe it? If not, there are several reasons we should. Losing has benefit, too. Young athletes can learn a lot from the experience — even losing over and over again.
A Parenting article in the Washington Post recently shared, “Experts agree that losing at sports, no matter how unending, can allow children to learn from failure. Losing all the time builds philosophy, camaraderie, sportsmanship and the idea of athletics as a series of incremental victories. The team may falter, but teammates improve, moment by moment.”
Yet, how does losing build all those things?
The article points out there are many reasons teams chronically lose:
Not enough practice time
Wrong division
Lacking talent
Downward momentum is difficult to stem
When this happens, many young athletes learn to adapt. The team’s struggles help them to see other things they enjoy about their sport. The score becomes less important to them than “the exercise, social time and fellowship that they love.”
Other players will buckle down and dedicate themselves to more individual training. They’ll strive to improve in the sport hoping to try out in the future for a more competitive team.
For parents, who have put money and time into the young athlete’s season, losing can be challenging. Yet, stepping back and observing how the child reacts to the losses can be informative.
The Post interviewed a 20 season Little League baseball coach who said he doesn’t worry if a player cries over a loss. “I love the fact that he’s crying,” he says. “He cares and he’s passionate. We will change that into something we can use on the field.”
Yet, a youth soccer coach noted, some players will be fine with losing all the time. She said some young athletes “have the fire in the belly.” But “if they don’t, they don’t.” Parents can’t have that fire for them.
Making the Most of Losing
If a team consistently loses, coaches and parents can instead focus their attention on opportunities to improve. Point out areas of the game that the players can control and encourage them to win in that particular arena. In futsal, this might be hustling back to defend, playing the ball in quickly (and accurately), or looking up from the ball to see the pass.
The real problem with losing is when players blame one another. Sports psychologist Caroline Silby, again in the Post, traced that back to the parents. “If parents get angry, blame unskilled players, or dwell on a loss, they ruin the whole point of being on a team: a sense of belonging.”
She doesn’t recommend ignoring losses either. You don’t want young athletes to think “failure is so awful that they shouldn’t even talk about it.”
In the end, losing is part of the game. For everyone. Yes, chronic losing is challenging. But it can bring a team together. That sense of belonging, win or lose, is what gives the athlete the life skills they need. Being part of something larger helps lower stress and improve self-esteem. Yep, improved self-esteem. Even when losing. Especially as they grow better at managing frustration and disappointment.
Sure, an undefeated championship season will be a great memory. But, losing can help cultivate resilience. And it’s resilience that is going to help young athletes succeed in sport and life as they mature.